You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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