1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
