me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
