I'm drive I can fine osifer
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
