Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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