Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
