hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
