you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every concussion has its silver lining
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
