my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
