I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
