It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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