mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
