he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the condom got lost in my hair
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize