I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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