I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
