I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
