If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
