you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
