My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
