my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
