i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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