I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Randomize
