two words: eviction party
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
