I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just invented taco cereal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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