Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
do nipples grow back?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
