Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
