$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize