I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
