I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I puked a lego.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i now understand why vodka
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize