My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
