i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize