All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
