Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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