I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
