allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
