every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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