Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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