I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Couch. On fire.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize