when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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