So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
