um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
