why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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