This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
