You're earring is so big in my mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
