3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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