i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
