why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
