Your face is a jimmy john
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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