I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
