Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
