where am i from again
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
