I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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