the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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