I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize