I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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