paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
