apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
