i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize