i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
