I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
