I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
