I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
