Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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