so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
