i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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