There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
