My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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