the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
