So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
