tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
