If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
