I wish I only lived at night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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