I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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